Loves Captivity Beckons

I want to be me and in glee become free.

So how now, can my family allow, for me to be?

The lippy trippy hippy not free,

A happy trappy pappy I see.

Wants for me, reality.

His own free see, apparently.

Which for me, is a miserable tree,

In this presently, unfortunate orchard,

I refuse to be quartered then tortured or slaughtered.

Please leave me be my happy tree.

I want to be me and in glee become free.

So how now, can my family allow glee, for me to be?

A happy clappy rappy tree?

She wants for me to be like she.

Another cursed, second worst, version of her, terse desserts.

Blurry worries hurried, tearful slurs a flurry.

Slave to grave raves isn't brave and most certainly doesn’t save.

Happy is she in her painful misery.

I will free me, you’ll eventually see.

I want to be me and in glee become free.

So how now, can’t my family allow me, to merely be?

He wishes my ambitious vision controlled.

He talk’s reticulose, from his ridiculous hole. 

He kills my brilliance for me,

Un-thrilled resilience from me.

Hells bells are swinging for me.

Swell welts now stinging for me.

Smacked cracks lack tolerance for me.

Still steals compliance from me.

Swill spills endurance from me

Into his bowl rhetorical, traumatically historical,

goal seems to be emotional; Tolls peel away my delicate soul.

Unfurled world hurled, I’m now curled,

A small ball, not for me, the gall! but for you all.

Seems Deeds seeds, are better dead instead

I want to be me and in glee become free.

So how now, can my family allow for me to be!

They ask for my mission then say I don’t listen.

In unbidden frustration, must I still ask permission?

I’ve heard what they’ve given, implied it’s forbidden,

Now quivering the delivering, the tiger inside is shivering,

Reduced to a kitten, now smitten.

What love is this? I’ve just been hissed.

Instead they’ve miss kissed and very effectively,

Un-written and rejected me.

This apparently is my bliss! Are they taking the piss?

I want to be me and in glee become free.

So now, how my family can allow, and be, with little ole me.

I listen to you, when I ask for your view.

Is it to much to ask the same task of you too? 

Despite continuous spew, I do hear your view

But reserve the right to ignore, what for me is a bore.

It’s not new for me; it’s not true for me;

it’s just blue for me; it’s like glue for me.

I want to be me and in glee become free.

So now how! My family can allow me,

To be - for we - please try - and see - real me.

I wish - for you - to be - as free - as me.

No you say you’re perfectly okay.

You flies at me, chastises me, this rises me,

So distressed I cries, in angry disguise

Like an obstinate pup, please shut the fuck up!

My dark lark barks.

I was only, trying, to help you.

I want to be me and in glee become free.

So NOW! How my family can allow for us, to be we.

I merely expect a little respect,

For my do that’s for you and for me too.

I hope one day, you’ll finally say,

You can accept that I’m correct.

My peculiar view, for me IS true.

Why explain my humble station with you presenting indignation,

I didn’t expect it would be for you but it was you who asked me my view.

Oh for heaven’s sake! Just have FAITH!

And try to allow me, or better yet wow me,

Or disagree and watch me flee.

Once more gored again, I’m floored again,

I’m bored again, sick and tired again,

Of being ignored again, have you tried adored again?

I wish to be me and in glee, see we become free, in ecstasy.

So now! How my family can allow and be, with me.

Discomfort you feel, but understand this is your real deal, it’s not mine.

I’m content unfurling my journey of learning,

Increasingly yearning, for others also burning.

Enjoy the difference, it produces brilliance.

Don’t you think? Yes you do think,

Far too much with the head, now I’m off to my bed.

So now you know I try to go  with my hearts smart art instead.

I shall be me and in glee become free.

So now you also know my family, and just how they can allow me

To be with you, I wonder if they too,

Might eventually see, the complete and whole me,

So that we, can all just be –

Together, whatever the weather

And just know, that wherever I go

I am what I am, my own particular jam

I will continue to be me, even if forced to flee

So please! Just let go and allow me to grow

Into the person that I wish to become.

Hills Of Ill Will Or Mountains Of Meaning? (Parts 1 & 2)

Part 1

Do we create evolution or do we evolve creation? Evoluted creativity or created evolutivity perhaps?

Who's right?  For me all three do SEE!

For me they are all correct (mostly), each describing, different aspects and elements of essentially the same thing, a hill if you will. Well maybe not so much a hill as a mountain and a fairly fascinating mountain if you consider how much stuff people have written about their particular positions on this topic. So how do I ratify these positions that seem, for so many, to be so completely opposed?

Well, I trust and accept each of these texts as being completely accurate and as correct as they could possibly be, for the people who wrote them. Each of the human individuals involved in constructing and bringing these physical texts into reality put an extraordinary amount of work and effort into doing so. They reached deep within themselves and brought forth ideas, conceptions and contemplations. As they did this they very likely considered what was bubbling up from within in relation to what they observed without. They then put pen to paper (or finger to key) and created through writing. 

Manifesting into physical reality 

Their conscious epiphany  

Which, developed initially

Through unconscious ecstasy 

Although some would say fantasy

Giving birth to any honest, authentic and therefore beautiful creation can be painful difficult work (although if the times and attitudes are right the work can also be painless and joyful). The texts in the picture above contain the collected, unique and particular views of the individual realities of the authors at the times in which they were written. And because each text contains the authentic and honest truths of each of the authors they become timeless. The truths they contain resonate and will continue to resonate throughout time because truth will always trump illusion and time is just such an illusion, but I digress. 

While these truths will not be true for everyone, and some of these truths are certainly not true for me that does not then make them untrue or false. It merely indicates that the person preaching, espousing or rationalising is standing on a different side of the mountain from me. Observing the world from a different location does not negate the truth of that person’s position nor their observations. I certainly don't have to believe their conclusions but I should, and I do, trust they are reporting their perspectives truthfully.

Of course there will always be tricksters but they don't usually get away with writing bestselling books. Dishonesty is discernable and will eventually be revealed. I can therefore appreciate each worldview on its own merits, for each contains inherent truths about the metaphorical (or should that be metaphysical?) mountain. Each text is an expression of truth for their creators. Although the authors who created the sentences; the scribes who wrote the words; the typesetters who laid out the letters and printers who constructed the physical books, being human (for the most part), were prone to grammatical errors and the odd mistake. 

I usually enjoy listening to people describing their view of the world to the world. Sometimes they sound ridiculous, sometimes they challenge me, and occasionally they can make me feel quite uncomfortable. Surely they are talking cross purposes, about different mountains. They must be, their accounts seem so peculiar and different, even wrong at times. Are they even speaking the same language as me? It looks like English, it sounds like English, it uses the same words as English but I sometimes wonder if the meaning behind the words is at all consistent. Legalise Lexicon

Regardless of whether or not I am struggling with or enjoying other people’s accounts of the mountain eventually I invariably lose interest and get bored. For it is not quite consistent with what I find I am faced with. Not exactly how I see the world before me so to speak and if I'm honest I like my view best. Until that is, I eventually become bored with my view too.

What’s a person to do? 

Should I stew in my glue? 

Become blue, a-tissue? 

A sneeze freezed?

Or a breeze released?

What would you do? 

So many questions!

Part 2

Photo credit: taken from a post entitled Mountains part of a blog by Brandon called Notes from the Outside, 
A lovely read and really quite relevant.

So once again I start to wander and explore, to pick up more books and listen to different stories about the mountain. Along the way I meet people, perspectives and challenges. I learn how to stand in the shoes of others and confirm that their view of the mountain is indeed true for them. I discover a few tricksters who were telling me fibs or having a giggle at my expense yet I notice that even elements of the tricksters view are still also true for me. Do you see?

I began to understand that by listening to the perspectives of others, and trusting that most are indeed telling me their truth, I could appreciate more fully what the mountain actually was. I mean from my home town the mountain appeared to me to be a fairly unimpressive hill on the horizon. It was a nice view for sure, but I had absolutely no idea! I guess what I'm trying to say is that people shouldn't rely completely on their own understanding of the way things are. Comfortable as that might be, we do so much better by triangulating, discerning and accepting the experiences, understandings and wisdom of others. I resolved to form a greater appreciation than the merely one sided view that my five senses were able to decipher and interpret alone from my home, in the village where I grew up, so I hit the road. 

To say leaving home was daunting would be an understatement. If I'm honest it scared the be-jaysus out of me. Leaving all my family and friends behind was hard, one of the hardest things I ever had to do, but I needed to. I had chosen to abandon all that I knew and was comfortable with and at the time I wasn't sure quite why, I just knew I had to go. Standing on that road, facing the hill in the far distance with my back to the village, was terrifying but my terror was tinged with a sense of excited expectation about what I might discover on my travels. I was staring into the unknown, about to take my first tentative steps into the abyss and yet once I started to move, placing one foot in front of the other, the terror began to diminish and a thrilling sense of elated anticipation began to replace it.

As I continued on my journey I noticed I had begun to form a more complex and conceptual view of the mountain that was once, for me, a hill. I was able to appreciate that it was, in actual of fact, much larger and more interesting than I had at first given it credit. I began to feel quite clever as my consciousness began to expand from a single minded, and narrow, awareness to something much more open and capable. This was achieved merely by listening to and watching the people and places I encountered on my journey. Collecting and introjecting the many differing reports of other peoples, experiences, understandings and perspectives. I collected and accepted them all even though many seemed to be completely at odds with each other. It seemed to me that I had become aware of some previously unseen secondary dimension both within myself and regarding the mountain ahead. 

As time progressed I travelled further and further from my origin, generally in the direction of the mountain. The further I journeyed the more diverse people became, as indeed did those reports of the mountain that were so generously shared. Then, all of a sudden, an extraordinary thing happened. I finally had it! a revelation, a joy, a breakthrough in understanding. I suddenly realised the truth. The mountain itself was getting bigger and bigger, larger and larger, it was expanding. The mountain, I concluded, was not fixed and solid it was in fact a massive mass of changing character! 

It really was, I mean it was quite subtle but I had come so far now and considering where I had been when it was just a hill. It all made absolute sense and completely accounted for all the different reports I had been collecting on my travels. This was THE truth, the mountain was constantly changing and that was why everybody’s understandings and perspectives of it were so different. I needed to share this truth because I had uncovered something so profound and fundamental that everyone needed to know. 

They needed to know right now and I was the only one who seemed to be aware of this extraordinary fact! Why so? Well clearly I was becoming very clever, gifted even. I could see things that it seemed nobody else could. I had clearly been selected or chosen to supply this gift and wisdom to the world. Yes that was it. I was the chosen one and I bloody well needed to tell the rest of them! At last I had found my place, my purpose and I was going to become so very famous because of it. Oh my God, this was tremendous!......

......And so for a while I ran about pointing out everyone’s mistakes and correcting their misunderstandings. A few of them punched me. 

I feel quite naive writing this now as I have since learned that the mountain was not in fact growing at all. If anything the mountain was being eroded by the forces of nature, and people’s feet. But it did eventually become clear after continuing my travels toward it, and a few choice beatings, that it was not the mountain that was growing. It had certainly appeared to be growing but all that was really happening was that I was getting closer and closer to its base. In fact it was me that was growing, I was growing as a result of the suffering I underwent, the revelations and realisations I experienced and because I somehow managed to keep finding enough food and water to keep me nourished. I suppose you could say, at this point, I had become aware of the tertiary dimensions of my reality but I'll get to that later. Please allow me continue with my story...

 

...To be continued

Service, Gratitude and Aspirations

Photo borrowed from Vishwanath Seshadri's Blog 'Values for Life'

I come not to give 
But offer myself gladly
 
I come not to take 
But will gratefully receive
 
I come merely to BE
And through the bliss of this moment
Become the highest expression of my human being

 

 Photo borrowed from Alfred Franklin Smiths Blog 'Think Outside The Box'

Written in 2010 by me in collaborative response to a piece by Ilse De Ziah (Cellist and teacher of creativity)